Dear friends,
Thank you for still being nice to me despite me being so flaky. I’ve been lurking around reading and commenting, but have been putting off writing.
And yet, on day 214 I cannot NOT write. So write I must, and write I shall !
Don’t know about you but I felt really depressed and anxious for the first couple of weeks of covid madness. But then, because I am a mature and resourceful individual, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I officially decided to stop being diplomatic and really be my “authentic self”, and so I became a real BITCH to my boyfriend, the only human I had seen in several weeks. I suddenly heard myself tell him I needed SPACE and ALONE TIME because I was SUFFOCATING in this relationship and couldn’t stand the feeling of us being the only presence in each other’s lives and needed to exist as a SEPARATE INDIVIDUAL so he needed to leave me ALONE and go home and stop relying on me to be his MOTHER and expect me to cook all the meals and tell him how to peel a potato and explain what “mincing an onion” means and .… etc. You get it.
Ok ok ok, I might have been able to do that in a SLIGHTLY more diplomatic way.
But weirdly he took it well, and agreed to try and be more independent and give me some space, so I got 3 or 4 glorious days of alone time, during which I have been following a Spartan routine of self-discipline and self-care, and would like to share it with you all here, because I think I’m definitely on to something.
- Wake up
- Feed Fern, aka Godzilla, the starving cat
- Make coffee and wonder if sore throat + grogginess are Covid symptoms
- Drink coffee
- Meditate (AFTER COFFEE, NOT BEFORE !)
- Read/write for PhD
- Almost go insane because of too much reading and not enough breaks
- Lunch
- Read/write for PhD
- Almost go insane because PhD is terrible and what’s the point anyway? Oh, looks like I haven’t been taking any breaks again – whoops!
- Go for a 1 hour long walk (NON-NEGOCIABLE) while listening to some kind of self development podcast. Look up at sky and at trees in bloom and look down at lovely delicate flowers and blades of grass, and remember that 6 feet distance doesn’t preclude eye contact and smiling/nodding to say hello to other fellow humans who seem to all be doing the same thing and look like robots because who knows anyway you can’t get close enough to tell who is human and who is a robot…. and whatisthemeaningoflifeanyway ?!!?!?!?!
- Get home and feed Godzilla who is starving again and very angry that food hasn’t been served earlier.
- Do 30 mins – 1hour yoga (or any other spiritual workout, such as “how to tone your underbutt in 10 minutes” on youtube).
- 5 minutes: Practice the handstand I still can’t do but thought I would be able to do after 3 months of sobriety. LOL
- Shower
- Switch into pyjamas mode! [Optional: do the Pyjama Dance]
- Negotiate with self to read for one last hour before dinner. If self agrees, reward self with a snack to keep self going.
- Make and eat delicious dinner
- Think about doing evening meditation [but most of the time be too lazy and decide for Netflix instead]
- Do paint by numbers in front of Netflix with Godzilla the in lap and decide that it counts as a “meditative activity”
- Go to bed and DO NOT SET AN ALARM
- Think of all the people who are scared and suffering in the world and working hard these days and feel like I haven’t fathomed the depth of what is happening to the world yet and am still in shock. Remember that I forgot to call my parents AGAIN (this miiiiiiight have to do with the fact that my mom is still drinking though she said she’d stop- see previous posts)
- SLEEP
- Fail at sleeping. Put on guided meditation to release stress and worry (or alternatively, “how to tone your underbutt in your sleep with no effort”)
- Sleeeeeeeep
- REPEAT, Groundhog Day style.
Tadaaaa
Should I publish this as an e-book and make lots and lots of $$$$$$? #remotejobs
So yes, Covid has made me insane, but hey, what do you expect ?!
***
Unrelated but related:
A good friend of mine sent me an instagram message the other day, saying: “alcohol and marijuana are my two best friends these days. I don’t know how you sober people do it”. I replied that sobriety is actually what’s helping me “do it”, while drinking would just have made things worse. For me.
Ironically, a common friend of ours (with whom we used to form the perfect drinking trio) stopped drinking two weeks ago – he took the leap at the beginning of the quarantine and says he is feeling great. He is also writing a PhD and says it has improved his work and mood a lot. It feels so strange that this person would decide to take a break from drinking – I’ve known him to drink daily, for the last few years, and defend the lifestyle a LOT. I’m really really proud of him. I’m also a tiny bit proud of myself because he has inquired regularly about my journey, and a part of me wants to think that somehow, I set the example without even trying to.
So YAAAAAAAY to people who are deciding to stop drinking in this time when we hear so much about alcohol sales rising together with domestic violence and all the other stuff. It’s brave! And smart!
There you have it folks, my 7 months post 🙂
Stay well and stay at home !
Hang in there !!!!
xxxx
Anne
So lovely to hear from you, Anne!
I am glad you spoke up for yourself!
Your routine sounds really good!
Mine is “sit too much, drink tons of coffee, walk for an hour, nap, phone games, dinner, tv with hubby, read, bed, repeat!” LOLOL
xo
Wendy
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hahaha that sounds ie a perfect routine toooooo Wendy ❤ xoxoxo Stay well ! xxxx Anne
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I love love loved this post Anne! It made me laugh because it’s so honest on its humour. I feel like I’m right there going through your day with you. Excellent job keeping going with the PhD .. that takes some will power abs motivation. It sounds like you needed that space and alone time. And huge congrats on 7 months .. bloody brilliant job!!! 💕❤️🥰 XX
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hahaha willpower abs, I love the concept! 🙂 Hopefully brain workouts burn a few calories too 🙂 Thank youuuuuu for commenting ❤ Sending big hugs, xxxx Anne
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Happy 7 months!!!! So glad you told your boyfriend what you needed. xoxo
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thank you ! It’s not always easy for me to ask for what I need, nobody taught me how to do it as I was a kid, so it often comes out too loud or not loud enough – but I’m working on it 😉 xxx Anne
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Sounds like he gets it, though. That’s great.
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Nicely done, Anne! Congratulations on 7 months. I loved reading your routine…I can relate to the Groundhog Day feeling, as can most people probably. Take care and stay well! Xo
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Thaaaaank you Colette 🙂 Stay healthy (and sane ^^)!! xxx big hugs, xxx Anne
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Well done Anne – 7 months- you’re catching up😉 What a routine, but you know what, Im beginning to feel a bit sorry for your boyfriend-poor bloke- he must really love you! Be nice to him, he sounds like a sweetie. Uncle Jim x
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urgh hi Uncle Jim! Turns out I’ve managed to turn this mini-break into a bigger deal – this time I’m the one who is expressing a desire to get out of the relationship as it is. Maybe I’ll post about this, maybe not (it’s too fresh still) – but looks like Anne has managed to sever the one human bond she had left in this covid situation and might once more be single. we shall see 🙂 xxx Anne
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Being Anne sounds like a tough gig ! But you’re a tough, smart woman and your gut must be telling you something. At least you’ve got the space and time now to pause, consider, reflect and then when this is all over- act! X
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absolutely 🙂 thanks uncle Jiiiiim ❤ xxx Anne
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Love this Anne! I too tend to ask for what I want/need from my partner in an angry manner so I totally relate – you’ll figure out if you do want the relationship or not if you haven’t already which sounds as if you might have. I’m doing online jigsaws as my mindful mindless activity – they take hours! I’m stepping up in the 1950s housewife department on non working days -proper dinners and puddings though my hair is unwashed and I’m wearing yoga clothes so don’t think I’m pulling it off just yet! 😂😂💞💞
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mindful mindless activity ?? omg MUST TRY this asap 🙂 hahaha as for the yoga pants 1950’s housewife dress up, sounds like quarantine is bringing out the most creative parts of our personalities 🙂 Alsooo, NO ONE HAS CLEAN HAIR anymore, that was a 2019 thing 🙂 and I think that’s pretty awesome that you’re making puddings 🙂 xxxx Anne
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